Monday, October 31, 2005

Time Passes...

Ahh well...it's been a few days...and what busy days!

In our new place, and time has moved on. I've been having ups and downs...lots of downs...and some ups...

I gotta say (for those of you that are interested, and those of you that aren't) - I love my treo 650...oh the screen, oh the functions...I'm just trying to find a decent launcher for it after Orange over-customised it. Initiate seems to be the way to go...

The main down has been seeing how much I don't treat my word with respect. I keep letting people down. Recently it's been upsetting for them, and for me...but something has shifted. I was able to be present to the mess I made, and not lose my brain totally.

The example is that I'm quite involved in my community (check out one of my links on the right: Young London Goans' Society) - it's grown to the extent that the elder people in the community listen to what I have to say, and I joined the older organisation.

Their AGM was on Sunday...and I thought it would be a two hours and I would be home...when I arrived though, it rapidly became apparent that it was going to be much longer...I hadn't fully checked the information I had received, and found that the association was having their EGM and AGM on the same day (yes yes, I know this is a little ridiculous, but that's the way it goes...)

Unfortunately, I'd promised my fiancee I'd be home by a certain time...and another member of my committee was expecting me to stay at the meeting...ARG...

Now I don't know about you, but when situations like this arise, I feel this little pit of discomfort rise in my tummy...as I called my fiancee I was faced with a choice...she was annoyed, and I was annoyed with myself...

I have been feeling as if everyone has been wanting to get at me recently: my family, fiancee, the committee I run, friends etc. etc. It wasn't so much self-pity, as feeling stuck between a rock and a hard place.

However this time, I saw some light at the end of the tunnel, and that was to just honour my word. No questions, but honour my word. It was my mistakel; being responsible was a way out. So I explained the situation and left early after speaking to my friend, my committee member, and the chair of the meeting. I left the points I wanted to make with her. Being the no-nonsense person that she is (she's great for that) - she told me how annoyed she was, and that I should have thought of it earlier.

It was really uncomfortable doing this, and I knew I was leaving something behind, but treating my word with respect gave me some freedom. And it gave something to my fiancee.

I feel like I'm back at square one...making small promises and keeping them...and getting bigger. At least - that's beginning to honour my word with a deep respect...

So that's kind of the down...

On the upside, my fiancee and have been exploring the creation of our own culinary delights!

I've never been great in the kitchen, and I've always maintained that once I had my own kitchen I'd be much more willing to give things a go. I always felt embarrassed at home to try and do anything, partly because my dad never did anything in the kitchen, and partly because my mum and my sister are so great at cooking things.

Actually they both regularly berated me for not trying harder...and my fiancee's family would have a go at her too (although she took it a bit harder than me!)

Well - in our own kitchen, we've started to learn ourselves! With a few recipes and phonecalls to my fiancee's mum, we have begun to enjoy ourselves. I'm proud to say we're a great team - and the kitchen is no exception...cleaning as we went through and all that...it was wonderful - and a sign of things to come.

We made a chicken curry, some chapatis and a dahl curry. My fiancee had actually prepared some of the ingredients previously (an experience we'd learned earlier). It looked and tasted great...a little bit of each, and it filled us up - almost a proper Goan couple!



Interestingly, I took these pictures on my wonderful phone...









...it also does taste as good as it looks...

We topped it off with some wonderful chocolate desserts from Marks and Spencer (what British institution!) - totally wonderful...both of us were left thinking WOW - are we going to eat like this every night?

It felt wonderfully special to cook and eat for ourselves.

This is the beginning of something special...

J.

Wednesday, October 26, 2005

Well Guess What?

My new upgraded phone arrived...

...and after such a long wait...and hassle...totally worth it.

There you go!

J.

Tuesday, October 25, 2005

Tired But Happy...

Ah well...I've assembled a desk, and got the upgrade on my phone - YAY!

It's funny, but now I have a 'workspace' set up, I feel a bit better - as if my head is a bit clearer. School is fast approaching, and I want to be at least ready for it...I feel a bit out of it!

As for the phone...well my Treo 600 has been wonderful. I changed to Orange just to get that handset...and the Treo 650 has been available, but not on upgrade. I was very annoyed about this, and made lots of calls to business stores around London...

...in the end I called up customer services, and they had some available! YAY! So I'll have my nice new phone by the end of the week...and I can't wait!

I've also been thinking a lot about the vibes I put out...I was recently given the idea to consider: the universe is just a giant intention fulfilling machine...and that depending on my intentions it gives the results I get...interesting...Conversations With God has a lot to say about this topic!

The intriguing part is that distinguishing my 'counter'-intentions and letting them go aligns the universe to fulfil my intention...so an example:
intention: to receive my new phone by tomorrow
counter-intentions: [written and deleted]

So I'll let you know what happens tomorrow...hehehe...

Monday, October 24, 2005

Moving Out, Creating a Home, and Sustaining a relationship

Man.

I know I have patience...being a teacher brings that out in me.

But I'm beginning to think I am a nightmare in a relationship because I
don't want the ordinary...I am creating the extraordinary...

...and I'm just a guy...

One reason I haven't posted in the past few days is that I've moved into a
flat with my fiancee. It's amazing, inspiring, wonderful, and
life-affirming...

...it's also the toughest most intense thing I've done...(and I've done
some tough intense things)...or maybe that's just how I'm relating to it...

Whatever...creating a home together is a particularly challenging
thing...everyone seems to have their opinion on how to do it best-to the
extent that simple sharing of ideas becomes interfering.

It's within all this that how I am in my relationship (and in my life I
suppose) surfaces.

There's nothing quite like participating at Landmark to bring all this up.

It feels like being stuck between a rock and a hard place...and I want to
hide, give up, cry, shy away and scream with frustration.

Not too dramatic then!

Who knows what will happen?

J.

___
Sent with SnapperMail
www.snappermail.com

Friday, October 21, 2005

Moving Process...Learning Curve

I've learned a lot about how to move houses in the UK in a short space of time. It has all happened pretty fast...one minute we're talking about moving and areas, and the next thing we've had an offer accepted on a place!

Today is the day we move.

I'm waiting for the call...I have no idea how long it will take, or when we'll get the call...I'm pretty relaxed and patient about it though...

A bit of chasing will happen soon.

Moving has made me think about other things. I know my mum and sister will miss me...it's different to moving out for university...there's no going back this time.

It also brings a whole new set of interesting issues to deal with - like living with someone else, and all their idiosyncracies...I have no idea what the future holds, but I know what I want.

Anything is possible!

J.

Thursday, October 20, 2005

I'm Gonna Miss Them

I haven't said it yet, but moving out, I'm gonna miss my parents, and being at home.

I just wanna tell them that I'm doing alright - my life is going great: house, relationship, career, future - it's all happening, and that doing Landmark had a lot to do with it.

I'm scared of upsetting them a lot of the time, and I want to please them...and this leaves me with only a little bit of room to express myself. That's what I'm seeing.

Tomorrow is another day.

J.

An Excuse to Learn HTML

Creating this blog has given me a reason to start getting my head around HTML.

I use other things like myspace, and friendster, and msn spaces, but I really prefer the level of customisation I can complete here.

I chose an interesting looking template, and I've added and altered it.

I don't find it that difficult - probably because I've done some programming in Visual Basic and SAS...

BTW - if anyone knows what SAS actually is - please comment so I don't feel like so much of a geek...

J.

Wednesday, October 19, 2005

Being Late...

Surely I can't be the only person who thinks that being late is rude.

If I say I'll meet up with my mates in the pub at a certain time, I'll be there.

So why do people turn up late, without apologising, or communicating earlier? Do they think it's ok to do that? It makes it so much harder for me to take someone seriously if they keep doing that.

It's not just about being on time...it's if you are late (because things do happen) then it gets cleaned up - because it gets acknowledged.

I've had it explained to me that it's honouring my word with respect.

Now I'll be the first to admit I mess up occasionally - like the whole thing with when my mum got annoyed with me. But I've cleaned up the mess I've made, and re-committed to getting on with it.

But to hear about how a bunch of guys were 45 minutes late for a restaurant appointment...well that just makes me embarrassed to be a bloke! Especially as assorted girlfriends, and friends were there on time!

Please tell me I'm not the only one who finds that rude.

If some guy can't even get his act together to meet a girl on time, what hope is there for him keeping a promise to stay married to her?

When I get married, my wife and I will review our wedding vows on our wedding anniversary - so we represence for ourselves what we committed ourselves to. In my opinion, the wedding ceremony is a public declaration in front of family and friends, of our commitment and promise to each other.

No wonder some of my (female) friends are bemoaning the lack of any decent men around.

It seems as if there are very few decent men around...

...or maybe it's just very few decent men in my community.

J.

Tuesday, October 18, 2005

Messing Up.

My mum had a real go at me yesterday for not returning a call to my grandparents. It upset me.

I'm about to buy a flat with my fiancee; my parents and grandparents have been amazing, and contributed loads: money and stuff for the flat.

I forgot to call my grandmother back, and I haven't really been in touch with my grandad.

My bad.

It is my responsibility to sort it all out, and I was really upset. I've been in touch with everyone and had really good conversations about how it's all going. I'm disappointed with myself for not wanting to keep sharing with family. That's why I'm upset.

I'm not sure why I did this, but I get all self-pitying and annoyed when I make a mistake and use it to justify everything rather than go clean it up. I like to think it's a human condition, not just mine.

It just doesn't help my mum's blood pressure when she does that.

I mean there are lots of things going on in our family - and that's what makes it a family.

I want more ability to make a difference with it because I love them...but I'm struggling...

...I guess it's part of the game...

J.

Monday, October 17, 2005

Finally...It Is Happening To Me...

YES!!

I've finally got some time together (it is half-term after all) to get at updating my blog.

You'll notice that the first post on this blog was in August...and it is now October...the intervening weeks have been somewhat consumed with teaching at school!

At least now it's beginning to look how I want it to - I'm dipping my toes into the water that is html to be able to customise my blog a little as to how I want...

Watch this space - onwards and upward!

J.